Just Because I Didn't Blog As Much, Doesn't Mean I Don't Love You Just as Much

Good Times With Isla

At the beginning of my mat leave this year, someone, somewhat condescendingly said to me, "You have no idea what it's like to take care of two kids"... you know, in that same way that people with even one kid, tell people with no kids, "You have no idea what it's like with kids"?

It's so freakin' annoying. And I do my darndest never to pull this card.

I remember also at the beginning of my mat leave, when it was really, really hard - when Isla didn't sleep, and Archer didn't sleep and Isla nursed ever 10 seconds (pretty much) and Archer was...well...a 2 1/2 year old... another parent of two telling me, "yeah, it gets better after 2 or 3 years...".

Wha?!?

Safe and Sound

Was this one of those other unspoken rules amongst parents that they don't tell you facts like this in advance of baby #2  -- in the same way that moms don't as a rule share the dirty details of physically having a baby (if you don't know, don't ask... you don't need to know...well, you do... but it's too fresh for me still so ask someone else)?

But it was really, really hard. In a way that I didn't experience with Archer alone. There were literally days (still are sometimes) where I would sit in one room in our house, for what seemed like hours on end, just like making sure one of the kids wasn't going to hurt themselves or the other, with Toopy and Binoo blaring on tv in the background and forgoing basic bodily functions like feeding myself or going to the bathroom.

This was not the Downtown Mama of a few years back where I'd hang out at cafes, have hours to make great food, wardrobe plan, hang with other cool mamas. This was akin to the hardest boot camp ever - like that crazy military-style boot camp they just did in Barrie (why do people voluntarily do those things by the way?). I was one Tough Mudder.

BFFs

On top of this all I was stressed about work, I was stressed about some stuff we're going through personally... it was tough y'all. And as such, I didn't feel much like blogging - never mind the fact that any time I now pull out a computer in front of Archer he grabs it from me so he can surf the Treehouse and Nick Jr websites.

But in the last few weeks the cloud has been lifting - and things haven't been so hard. Isla sleeps really well - has been for a while. The work stuff is sorted and I start something really great in a couple weeks. I have even learned to love those crazy little guys Toopy and Binoo (they keep Archer happy and therefore mama happy).

So I wanted to write this for you Isla, to let you know that just because I didn't blog like I did when I was on mat leave with Archer, doesn't mean that in actual fact my time alone with you has been amazing.

And even though I didn't write about it, we did a *lot of fun things.

Fine, I want this outfit too.

We did a crazy trip to Winnipeg with Archer in March (just the 3 of us which will demonstrate just how insane I was at the beginning of my mat leave), we rocked out at Rainbow Songs, we found super cool new baby hang out places like Smock Cafe in Roncesvalles, we hung out with other friends on mat leave, we made 24 meals in an hour and a half at Supperworks with Gigi (must write a separate post about this later) and just today, we bought *the cutest back to school... (well, not "back to school"... just "to school")... outfits for you at Joe Fresh (babies need motorcycle booties, right?).

And even though things were sometimes hard - and maybe they will be for a while for other reasons -- your smile lights up my life and I look forward to all of the other great things we're going to do together  in the years to come.

Birthday Party Pooper

Where we're not having Archer's birthday....this year

This is a big birthday year for Archer. He's turning 3.

Or is it a big year? I mean, in the big scheme of life, is 3 a year we celebrate as a major milestone? Trying as hard as I can, I have *no idea what I did for my 3rd birthday. Was this the year my parents brought a pony to my backyard for pony rides - for realz - Fyi, not a good idea: I thought that the pony was my birthday present and the day DID NOT END WELL. Or was the 3rd birthday the year we went to McDonald's (hands up if you all had a McDonald's birthday but for the life of you, can't recall a recent birthday at McDonald's).

As I am about to turn 40, universally regarded to be a milestone birthday, I've been thinking a lot about how we celebrate our children's birthdays and whether they really are for them or for us?

We've recently started the birthday party circuit. Those with older kids will tell you that at a certain point in their child's life, almost every weekend has one or more birthday parties in the schedule.

And I'm not complaining. I'm really not. It's actually pretty fun to watch the little ones run around, having fun, stuffing themselves with delivery pizza and cake. I'm not even judging parties at those indoor play centres  - you know the ones with the indoor gyms and parachute games, etc.. At some point, I have decided that if you really love your child, you need to be prepared to park your cool at the door.

But thinking that I found the perfect compromise of fun and cool this year, I planned and just today cancelled plans for a birthday party brunch at the Gladstone Hotel. The Gladstone has this great Family Brunch on Sundays. The food is yummy, fast and cheap and there is good Bluegrass Music for the little ones to groove to. It's like the Dakota Brunch but brighter and with more crazy hipster kids running around. We went about a month ago and we were set -- this is where we'd have Archer's birthday. Our friends would love it, we could afford it and Archer would think we were awesome.

Or would he? I started to have my doubts the second time we went to the Gladstone brunch. This time, for whatever reason, the music seemed a little louder and Archer seemed to be a little less interested in the band and the food and more interested in the cool old elevator at the hotel. But I ignored my sneaking suspicion.

Until today when I realized that he is *only turning 3. It's a big year for sure but I think it's because it's a  big year for us, the parents. It's another year to remember how happy we are about being Archer's parents and to celebrate having Archer in our life, but this day ain't about us. And sometimes it's hard to remember that and so, when I focus on what Archer would really really want for his birthday, I'm pretty sure it would be a fun day with his family, full of a trip to the park, a ride in the car, a guitar song from his dad and maybe a piece of cake. When he gets a wee bit older, it might be a indoor playground or the Gladstone Brunch but so far, he hasn't mentioned either of those options...

How Being a Control Freak Helps Me Stay Sane

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been my usual bloggy-self as of late.

Although I'm not ready to spill details, not sure I ever will, the last few weeks I feel like some force has been messing with my happy little life. There is a lot going on personally, professionally and almost all of it is entirely out of my control.

And that's completely pissing me off.

My husband has remarked in the sweetest way he can that I've been going a little crazy lately. I go from one thing to the next - I talk about moving (again), should we buy a new sofa, should we wallpaper a wall or hang art, what should we do for my birthday (the big 4-0), what should we do for Archer's birthday (the big 0-3), should we start gardening (how nice is this weather btw?!?), does he like my hair with our without bangs. If I were him, I would have totally divorced me by now.

But today I had a bit of an epiphany about it all (trying hard not to use the term "a-ha moment" - but really that's what it is, damn you Oprah). My craziness is my inadvertent attempt to gain some control over my life which is not so much in my control right now. My other revelation today though was that this uber-planning is actually a really good survival mechanism in times when life feels a bit out of control. Control what I can control, and let those bigger forces at work do their thing.

Only problem is, all my current attempts at planning are super expensive (like $2000 pieces of art, glamorous 40th birthday parties, surprise Justin Bieber appearances at Archer's birthday, rare tropical plantings in the garden...).

But really when I look back at this blog, one of the things I really enjoyed during my mat leave with Archer was planning a bunch of little things - like what I was going to do each day - even if it was a walk around the park, or what we were going to eat every night, what I'd like to wear. They are little things that barring a sleepless night or sick toddler, I can count on. Lately, though, I've forgot about this winning formula and I let a bunch of things out of my control dominate my headspace.

No more. Tonight I've made a meal plan for the week (Brie/mango quesadillas, apple pork chops, homemade pizza, an arugula pesto pasta and a night of sushi take-out) and I'm working on an activity plan which I hope will include a visit with a close friend, a walk around High Park on one of these gorgeous days and a baby-mommy yoga class.

And I have to tell you that as soon as I started making these lists, I started to relax a little... actually a lot. Will it last? Can it help me overcome the "big" stuff? Time will tell... but this seems like a good plan for now. If it doesn't, I'm going back to planning the biggest, most expensive, double birthday celebration you've ever seen.

And you'll all be invited. I promise. :)

Baby Spa Day

Ahhh... so relaxed.

Today, if you're spouse or significant other is so inclined, you may have received some sort of gift certificate to a spa - maybe you need a pedi/mani, maybe a facial, and most decadent, maybe a massage.

But, I'm here to tell you that if you really love your significant other, you should forgo said gift certificate and treat your new baby to the spa day... well, not a spa day... just a massage.

Yes, us modern families have all lost our minds.

Or have we?

You've all read my struggles with trying to get Archer to sleep through the night and so, when I saw some early indications that Isla may be just like her brother in more ways than just her big cheeks and adorable-ness (that's a word), I panicked and took action.

I had read a little about craniosacral therapy for babies who had colic. I'm not sure if Archer had colic, or if Isla has colic. The more I read about colic (and there is a *lot out there), the less I'm even sure what it is. But what I do know is that on many nights so far, Isla is clearly struggling with gas or intestinal discomfort. That struggle leads to crying, the crying leads to no sleep for her and then no sleep for any of us. It's not fun, people.

Today, on Valentine's Day, Isla had a craniosacral massage by the lovely Alison Black at Evolve Chiropractic on Roncesvalles (who also give the *best pregnancy massages btw). It was a relaxing short 15-minute session in which Alison gently massaged Isla's spine, neck and head (I can't emphasize how gentle this was - really more like touching).

Seconds before the snoozing started.

During the session, Alison also gave me some good tips about how to help Isla when her tummy is upset. She bought me how to do an "I Love You" tummy massage (I link to a video on how to do it here). And she also showed me some leg movements that I had read about but until you see it done, you're never quite sure if you're doing it right. Both treatments came with the word of warning that such massages can have immediate and shocking results - I'm not going to go into details - but the words "projectile" and "poop" were used in the same sentence. 'Nuff said.

Thankfully, Isla, in her lovely Valentine's Day outfit, had no such disasters. But results seemed somewhat instantaneous... she fell asleep in the middle of the treatment and stayed asleep for 3 hours.

Will the positive results last? Only time will tell. Alison told me she's had mixed results. But today's treatment lasted long enough for my hubby and I to have as romantic a Valentine's Day lunch at Terroni as one can have with a toddler and a new baby.

And that, in an of itself, made Isla's spa day, well worth it.

Like Daughter, Like Mother..

And so it starts.

The other day I was out with Isla and someone I ran into asked if I purposely coordinated our outfits. Huh? What the heck was she talking about? But then I looked.

D'oh.

Me = my usual uniform: stripy tee, army cargos.
Isla = stripy onesie, army coloured leggings

Right. So while I didn't quite plan this, I suspect that this may be a common theme throughout
her life. I mean, I do it with my own super-styling mom. While I was growing up we shared clothes and from time to time, we have bought the same item of clothing. Case in point, for Christmas I bought her a leopard print cardigan from J. Crew (very French, not cougar-y at all) and I loved it so much that when I saw it on sale one month later, I bought one for myself.

And growing up, you could often see the Litz women wearing varying versions of the same look (with our unique accessories as evidenced by the Garfield stuffy I am sporting and my sister's E.T. - I'm pretty sure this trend could come back at any moment, fyi...).

Why not embrace this way of dressing? Little girl's clothing is so amazingly cute and cool, I can hardly stand it. So no wonder that I'm unconsciously ripping off Isla's great style. And in a way, I like looking to lines made for her for my inspiration rather than the other way around - when you have little girl's clothes inspired by women's fashion you end up with all of that overly glittery baby Baby Phat/Juicy Couture nonsense.

I would totally wear this.

For spring 2012, I'm seeing so much inspiration in Mini Mioche's Spring collection. Great feminine basics, mixing some of the (tolerable) pastel colours with neutrals.

Take the Mini twirly tiered skirt with grey tee. Interpreted for me, might be this floaty skirt and tee (could be stripy or grey like the inspiration pic) from J. Crew.

How about a comfortable yellow dress to take you through those hot summer days? Isla's is the Fresh Dress from Mini Mioche. Mine is from Old Navy.

And for those casual days, you might see Isla in this dandy henley tank (coming in spring) and grey leggings.

While I'm going to do my darndest to try and one day afford a beautiful look like this from Dealuxe.ca (I just missed an amazing WagJag Dealuxe deal that would have made this possible... gah!).

You're It! A Mom's Guide to Playdates

Archer has his own playdate with Isla down at her level. He rocks.

By Downtown Mama Mel


Playdates can be awesome, the perfect time to develop social skills, get support (or just out of the house), rant a bit, and maybe even make a friend or two. But getting one started? Totally intimidating. Here's how to do it.


Get all of DM Mel's super helpful playdate tips at iVillage.ca...

I've Forgotten How to Be a Parent...or I'm Too Tired. You Decide.

He should be in his bed, but we'll take what we can get when it comes to sleep!

This morning, early in the morning, I was watching an old episode of The Mom Show (now cancelled). Most of the show dealt with sleep... how to get your baby to sleep, the dangers of sleep deprivation for new parents, that sort of thing.

And ironically, I should have been sleeping instead of watching a show about sleep.

See, Isla was finally sleeping, which I pretty much thought would never happen last night. After a smiley day, she started sniffling... hey, a little cold, no big deal. But on top of that, she started showing signs of having a sore tummy.

Fast forward to 7pm and the cluster feeding commenced... by 10pm, she was all-out screaming bloody murder. This went on until 4am, with only about an hour and a half break for a nap (I'm totally not calling it sleep... it was a nap - for both of us).

At 4am, although she was a little fussy off and on, for the most part, at that point she slept until about 8am. Which raises the question, why wasn't I sleeping until 8am? Why was I up at 6am watching The Mom Show about sleep, cursing at the mom who apologetically shared that by 4 weeks, her baby was sleeping for 8 hours straight.

Have I shared with you that I never believe parents who claim this? 'Cause I totally don't. Don't refute me on this. It helps me not kill myself. Seriously (no, not seriously...).

But still, Isla was giving me a good stretch and here I was not sleeping along with her. I was not sleeping because I was looking for some nuggets in The Mom Show about how I could start making this sleep thing work because so far, there's no sign of this working -- and with one toddler who *just started sleeping through the night at about 2 1/2, I just can't imagine going this long again without sleep... I mean, really people... no good sleep again until I'm 43?? Really?

She is in her crib...will her eyes close? Only time will tell. Either way, she's super cute, right?

And you'd think I'd know better this being the second time around but these days I feel like I know nothing. Like all my parenting skills have disappeared. So I rely on what? Television. Judge if you will.

So what nuggets did I get from The Mom Show? There were lots, but none that seemingly applied to a family with 2 little ones. Let me demonstrate:

1. Early in the evening start a routine whereby you dim the lights, you give baby a quiet bath, play some lullabies -- well, you can't do that with a 2 1/2 year old unless you completely parent separately and one parent does all of this with the baby alone in a separate part of the house, away from the playing, the Treehouse, the occasional tantrum of the toddler.


2. At around 6 weeks, establish having the baby sleep in the crib in their own room -- well, Isla's room is next to the loud toddler room where he's awake a playing until like 9 and then after he's asleep, you're so darn tired from it all that the thought of walking ALL THE WAY to the other side of the floor is just too much to take.

3. Let baby learn how to settle themselves so don't go into their room at the first peep -- this is the slippery slope to "crying it out" which I could never do with Archer and I can't imagine this changing for Isla - although maybe I'll just be so darned tired from everything that I will.

So tonight as the end of the evening starts again... I'm looking at Isla in front of me in her bouncy chair... and wondering what to do. I *think that although Archer is doing his best Mickey Mouse Hot Dog Dance beside her, completely unaware that babies should be asleep by now, and he should help keep a quiet environment for her, I will *try nursing and *try putting her in her room in her room, in her crib. I will *try for the hour that I have until we have to get Archer to bed.

If it doesn't work, I'm totally giving up on setting a sleep routine for her. Not forever. Just for tonight.

That's all we can do, right?