Special posting for my new Downtown Mamas...

What a difference 5 months makes.

This past couple weeks, 2 close friends each had their first baby - each, a beautiful little girl (look out ladies, Archer is almost on the move...). And in a way, I can't believe I was where they are now only 5 short months ago. In a way it seems like a lifetime ago and in another way, it seems like just yesterday.

Let me explain.

First of all, new babies are totally tiny, dude. Like really really small. Even though both new babies are about the size Archer was at some point, I can't even believe they are the same species. I remember when I first got home and a friend visited with her then 3 month old and I couldn't believe how ginormous he was compared to Archer. I mean, the head alone was like..."whoa". And now Archer is that baby and then some (particularly in the cheeks area... so cute).

And talking to these new moms, I remember feeling just like they are now - exhausted to the extreme, scared, totally helpless... what the heck had I gotten myself into? I don't know anything about how to do this!

But at some point... I'm not sure exactly when it happened (it's all a blur) - maybe around month 2 (?) things started to change... I was an expert by then at things like nursing, changing diapers, changing clothes, packing diaper bags, putting him in a car seat, doing stuff on the go avec baby - all things that in your first week or two, you literally feel like you're never going to be able to do. But then you do. And then all of this mom stuff starts to get really fun.

So all of this led me to think that I should put together a short list of what I think is perfectly normal for the new mom in the first couple weeks you're home with baby - things we all go through as new moms and survive and things you will too:

1. Crying all the time - like all the time. Like I'm not kidding. People are, I think, too quick to jump to conclude that a new mom's wildly emotional state is due to post-partum depression. And while we should definitely take a post-partum diagnosis as a serious thing, let's put some things in perspective. When you first have a baby, your hormonal levels completely and immediately change. You go from having all of these happy calm-inducing hormones (I think it's from the estrogen) in pregnancy to like nothing within like days. Put this factor on top of the lack of sleep, proper nutrition and the stress of figuring out how to do everything baby-wise and heck-ya, you're going to cry. You don't need no stinkin' post-partum depression diagnosis to justify that. I challenge anyone not to cry in such circumstances.

2. You constantly think you're going to break your baby. Further to the babies are tiny comment above, from the moment they hand you your baby for the first time in the hospital, you are worried about everything to do with your fragile little one. You think you might drop the baby, he might stop breathing while sleeping (actually this is something Archer's dad still constantly worries about and is literally in his bedroom every half hour checking...), he might get sick...and you think you're totally ill-prepared to deal with all of this this and so you're constantly stressed out. Also, normal. It just goes with the new mom thing, I think. It might in fact be evolutionary and helps keep you on the ball when you're so tired you could fall asleep anywhere at any time if only you were able to.

3. You'll never be able to nurse. This is not a judge-y thing because if you decide nursing isn't for you, that's your call. God knows, there is enough judging when it comes to mothering! But it can be very disheartening when you've decided that you really want to nurse and it just isn't working out. You probably saw that same video we did in birthing prep class where the woman, as soon as she gives birth, within seconds, has her baby in her arms and her baby starts rooting and whiz, bang, booom, next you see, the baby is nursing with the perfect latch and it is the picture of perfect loveliness. Well, did your birthing instructor happen to share with you that the mother in the video was a lactation consultant who was also a mother of 3?? I bet she didn't. There's nothing particularly natural about breastfeeding in my mind. It is a learned thing for both you and your baby and it takes practice and time. And all through your learning and practising, it hurts like hell. But then all of a sudden, it doesn't. And this usually comes around the end of week 2 or 3 right when you and your baby have finally figured it all out... so if you want to do this, hang in there a little bit longer. It gets so much better, I promise.

4. You'll never be you again. Have I shared with you that right before I went into the hospital, I got my hair done? I also went and picked out the perfect going home from the hospital outfit (as inspired by the perfect going home from the hospital outfit my mom wore), brought a little makeup to the hospital with me and determined to wear my contact lenses throughout the birth knowing that pictures were going to be taken all over the place? Well, let me tell you, you'll be hard pressed to find any actual pictures of me in the hospital. That's because within hours into my labour, my perfectly blown-out hair was a frizz only James Brown could be proud of. And since my labour was 36 hours long and I had a C-section, out came the contact lenses, and on the broken glasses. And guess what? You're pretty much just as pregnant looking when you leave the hospital as when you went in. So going home outfit? Maternity sweat pants and a tee shirt. Awwwesome.

And it applies to life at home to. All your dreams of becoming the cool domestic diva you think you can be are immediately dashed.

So what about all of my rules and tips about cooking and fashion that make it look so easy? They're not meant for you in the first few weeks. Your main job is just to get through these weeks. It's like a marathon. It's exhausting and can break your spirit. You have to rely on others even if you've never done this before and for some people this can be really hard.

But you *can do it. You will do it. Lesser people than you have done it before. And before you know it, you too will be the Downtown Mama you always thought you were - and that I know you are too.