How to Have a Social Life (and Not Neglect Your Children)

This is not Mel's family but they could be friends...erm, maybe not.

By Downtown Mama Mel

Allow me to introduce you to my family: one Downtown Mama heading back to work, one Downtown Papa (hmm, ‘Downtown Daddy’ sounds better, no?) starting four months of parental leave with one Downtown Toddler and one Downtown Baby. 

Our goal is achieve and maintain an active social life as a family that is (in theory) enjoyable and eventful for all four of us.

I am in the final week of my final maternity leave and baby #2, Markus, is just shy of eight months old. I’ve not yet weaned him nor is he anywhere near sleeping through the night so shouldn’t I be freaking out right now instead of starting a blog?

Nope. You know why? It’s baby #2.

With baby #1 every single moment, change, challenge, bump, illness and milestone is recorded, discussed, researched and verified. As first time parents in our (late) thirties and without any family members in the same province as us we relied on parenting books, the internet and an extremely helpful mother’s group to figure out our exciting and frightening new roles as parents. I remember that with our first son, Willem (who is now almost 3 years old) we were stressed out about whether or not to vaccinate for the H1N1 flu and that it seemed that with all new parents we knew at that time that this ‘monumental decision’ would determine whether or not a child would survive the winter. (Shudder). I also recall having Willem on the waiting list for a daycare from before he was born (which is normal practice!), calling them every month or two to ensure he was still ‘on the list’ and then discovering one week before he was to start daycare that they ‘forgot to transfer his name onto the new list’ and that they would not have a spot for him for two more months. I had six business days to find him a full time daycare spot.

In the end everything worked out: our children all survived the winter and Willem thrived in a home daycare that he still attends today. In hindsight the extra stress and tears served nothing but to make me look just that much older.

Baby #2 is a different story:

• Baby #1 has always had the undivided attention of one or even two parents.

• Baby #2 will never experience the undivided attention of one or two parents.

• As needy as a newborn is your toddler will instantly become needier.

• Your newborn will survive a few extra minutes in the crib calling out for you. Your toddler who has run into another room and then is eerily and uncharacteristically quiet? He needs you post haste!

• Baby #1 has already exhausted your supply of micro-management skills. You no longer have the time nor the resources to focus on the minutia with Baby #2.

• Baby #2 receives a lot of stimulation joining you, via a sturdy sling, as you chase after Baby #1.

• Baby #1 will provide a lot of attention to Baby #2. Just make sure it’s supervised. A brotherly hug can, and does, turn instantly into a headlock.

I have learned that babies are resilient. They are learning and growing every second right in front of our eyes, whether our eyes are actually directed at them or not.

With baby #2 I sometimes worry that I don’t worry enough. But then I get too busy and I forget to even worry about that.

So join us, if you will, as we share our Downtown Family adventures with you in this blog and learn How to Have a Social Life (and Not Neglect Your Children).