Every party has a pooper...

One of the biggest things I was nervous about when I first had Archer was being home alone with him. After my husband went back to work, after all of our family came and went, would I feel isolated? Would I try to pretend that Archer's sweet coos were a direct response to my trying to initiate a conversation about the weather, Obama's bad jeans (how could Michelle let those happen?) or who I think should win "So You Think You Can Dance" (Kayla, duh)?

Most of my close friends don't have kids and don't have kids on the way - which is totally cool btw - but I think they were all getting slightly annoyed by the fact that I would just call them up at work in the middle of the day to try and pass my time, totally ignorant to what they had to do (work).

In short, I needed to find friends. And this leads me to my next downtown mama rule, Rule #4: Make it a priority to find a circle of friends to spend time with.

But how do you do this?

As it happens, there are a *ton of options out there to help new moms and dads connect and I sort of knew that beforehand but was *extremely resistant at first. I try to be open-minded but the term "Mommies Group" sends shivers up my spine. It's just not me to sit around with a bunch of strangers, complaining about the trials and tribulations of being a mom - which is what I thought these groups were all about.

And some of them are, truth be told. You get a taste of this if you attend a nursing lesson at your hospital before you go home. I recall sitting in a circle with other women who appeared to be completely shell-shocked, some of them were kinda quietly sobbing to themselves, all of us were tired and it didn't help that we all looked like crap, sitting there in our robes, crazy-lady hair, swollen ankles, breasts hanging out. We went around a circle sharing all of the problems we were having with nursing - which really was just one big problem expressed 10 different ways: "Uh, how do you nurse?"

It was really very depressing.

But as it happens, I'm not the only one who thinks these groups are a downer - and it's *those women you want to connect with - you know, the slightly cynical ones, with a good sense of humour, women you'd be friends with whether or not you had the common bond of a new baby.

But how do you find your circle of friends? Here are some tips:

1. Write down a list of all of the women you know who have either had a baby or are about to have a baby - not just friends - but co-workers, friends of friends, wives of your husband's friends, neighbors. Then make an effort whether while pregnant or after to connect with some of them - maybe at first it's having the couple over for dinner (taking off the pressure of you just having to meet them alone for the first time). I found a friend this way - it was a wife of a hockey buddy of my husband. They invited us for a games night while we were both pregnant - with another expecting couple - and now we hang out.

2. Take the call from the public health nurse when she calls. After a couple of days of being home from the hospital, you'll get a call from your local public health nurse. It's a government thing. But, did you know that this public health nurse has a wealth of knowledge and resources about new parent resources in your community? She told me about the new mom's group at St. Joseph's Hospital in Roncesvalles and even got me signed up for it. Those groups, incidentally, fill up fast (I couldn't get in until September) so if you can, look into this while you're pregnant and put your name on the list for a class that starts shortly after you give birth.

3. Check out www.meetup.com for a new parents group in your area. These groups are amazing. They are groups started by people in your community looking for others with common bonds (so, not just limited to new parents). The Trinity-Bellwoods parents groups do everything from day trips to the ROM, to playdates at each others homes, to an afternoon at a local pub. The Junction parents group is practically a membership to a gym - they have a Stroller Fit program and go on like 10k walks - I'm signed up to go on one of these walks next week - wish me luck!

4. Be open minded. This is the most important of all of these tips. You have to be prepared to step out of your comfort zone to find your circle of friends as a new mom. You have to go through maybe some awkward "first dates" with your new friends. But you know... it's quite worth it.

Although it will be the topic of a future blog, yesterday, Archer and I went on our first "playdate" with some new moms at one of the women's homes - the playdate was initiated by the "hockey wife" friend and she invited some other women she knew had new babies and as a result, instantly, I now have 3 new women I'd feel comfortable doing something with in the future... and of course, Archer thoroughly enjoyed himself - you can see from the picture above just how much he did.

:)